Comfort and coping

Here are some tips we’ve gathered from mothers on the site. We thought it would be helpful for you to read how they helped themselves and what they drew on for comfort in labour. 

Francesca
‘Lavender oil is a godsend in birth. I sprinkled a few drops on a large cotton handkerchief and when a contraction came, covered my nose and mouth with it and breathed it in. It helped me to focus and breathe really deeply and both those things together kept me calm. It was a bit like a comfort blanket, something reliable to have to hand. My friend told me she’d used it in her labour and  wow did it work. Frankincense oil has the same effect from what I hear…’

Jenna
‘Strong pressure in my back – my partner and my doula took it in turns to press hard into my lower back for a period. They’d do it when the wave came and it was a great relief to anticipate it – to know that help was there.  I also liked having my hips squeezed. A friend of mine used a tennis ball against a wall in the same way…she pressed back into it. The counter pressure can make such a difference.’

Sarah
‘I found gas and air a huge help. I’m not even sure the stuff itself did much, but when a contraction came, I just loved having the mouthpiece to grab. It was something to hold and squeeze, to focus on as much as anything.  The gas makes you kind of spacey too and I liked that - it sort of lifted me up and over until the pressure had passed. ‘

Catherine 
‘Fixing to my purpose. Strong intention. Whatever you want to call it but knowing and keeping firm in mind that I was made to give birth and wanted to give birth. As my pregnancy was uncomplicated, I knew I was physically equipped for a straightforward labour and that beyond that, it was just a case of agreeing to it. I knew that if I kept connected to the point of it all, my body would take care of the rest.  It worked. I had an affirmation circling my head to help with it – I am safe, my body knows what to do. It kept me steady. ‘

Jess
‘Counting my breaths through the contractions. It would take seven long slow breaths to get to the peak, and then it was all downhill to my lovely rest. It was like this deep, internal rhythm and it really held me steady. Keeping my focus really strong on the counting  meant I could switch off from everything around me  and that in turn helped me to understand what was happening – that I needed to work with my body and go with what I was feeling.’

Sarah
‘Resting in bed, with every part of my body propped by firm pillows. I even got a cushion from the sofa because it was extra solid. I was supported  between my legs, against my back, under my bump…I had a pillow to hug and rest my arm on. And of course a pillow for my head. It sounds fussy but it’s amazing as then when the rest comes, you can completely relax and let go. A friend made the point that in labour there is more rest than work and that you’ve got to find that rest. It’s so much more positive working rest to rest, rather than contraction to contraction.’

Leigh 
‘My doula making me a cup of camomile tea – watching her go about it, boiling the kettle, stirring in some honey. It made me realise that if she was calmly and slowly doing that, all must be well. I remember very clearly how it made me feel – I thought she’s here, everything’s ok. I can let go now.’  

Marie 
‘Having a hot water bottle in my groin…oh my goodness it was heaven. It really took the edge off in those early stages, when it felt draggy and crampy.’ 

Becky 
‘Getting in the bath at home and having my husband sit on the edge and pour water slowly down my back from a jug. The contractions were so intense by then, but the pleasure of that warm water was such a distraction. It was so soothing.’

Liz 
‘My husband made a lovely floor space for me – with an old duvet, a beanbag, lots of big cushions, my ball. It was in my bedroom and he’d lit all these candles there too.  It was so peaceful and comfortable, and what I wanted to do all felt so obvious suddenly. To get down, to move around,  to rock my hips, to lean.  It felt so good to be on the floor. ‘

Pips
‘My baby was in my back and the pain was dreadful.  Having backache on top of the contraction is hard, especially when it’s over a long time, and eventually I decided that I needed to sleep.  I was in well established labour by then, so being numb didn’t make much difference to my progress. My husband made sure I took the opportunity to sleep, as did he – turning off all the lights completely, which gave the midwife a bit of a surprise I think. But the difference in the room was amazing. It meant I could really relax.  It was a brilliant decision as I felt so much better, and passed right through to pushing without anyone even realising. I told them I could feel this big pressure, got some help to hang over the back of the bed and my baby was born quite easily. I’m sure it was key to be on my side though – that way my baby still had space to do her thing. ‘ 

Suzy 
‘My doula got an ice-cold bowl of water from the water fountain on the labour ward and kept soaking and rinsing a flannel. The cold on my forehead was wonderful…she also put it on the back of my neck,  and on my cheek and chest. I was almost there and a bit overwhelmed. My body felt like a furnace.  But that cold flannel was the hugest relief – it worked like a magic trick. ‘
Tamsin 
‘Squeezing a student midwife’s hand. I don’t know what I’d have done without her. The midwife looking after me was writing notes and doing stuff, but this other woman was just really there for me. Kneeling with me when I was kneeling, sitting by my side when I was lying down. The contraction would start to build, she’d take my hand in hers and it felt great – having something to grip and give it all to. I think everyone should have it in their birth plan – ‘please hold my hand if I want you to. ‘ It just made me feel so safe.’ 

Miranda
‘I knew the move to hospital was going to  disturb me. So I had earplugs in my ears, an eyemask in the car so that I didn’t engage with the day or the traffic…and I had a thin cotton shawl over my head too, so that as we made our way through the hospital atrium, I felt protected. I looked like a crazy person I’m sure, but thank God I did it, as it just kept me on top of everything – I never lost my focus.  My husband gave them my notes and got me admitted and before I knew it, I was in my lovely birth room. He’d turned down the lights, everyone was just very quiet, and from there I was able to carry  on as I had been at home. I’ll love him forever for that. I felt so supported. ‘ 

Esther
‘I found the contractions at the start strong. The books and classes kind of mislead you into thinking that early labour is like period pain – but for me it definitely wasn’t like that. Thankfully, I knew from my yoga teacher that if I was still doing stuff for myself, like being able to text, or getting myself a drink, I was unlikely to be in labour so I just accepted it and relaxed. It went on all that day and evening like that, and I think if I’d gone into hospital and had it confirmed that I wasn’t in labour, I’d have lost heart  At home, I had options. It was easier to keep going and find comfort. I was free to rest, have a bath, doze on the sofa, have a radio on in the background…Then just as I’d sent my hub off to bed, at about midnight, I felt something different. It was much more intense suddenly – a big shift. Now all I could do was concentrate, and when my husband came in to check on me, I  didn’t want to engage with him.  I started moving unthinkingly – just following my body I guess. Leaning and rocking on my husband, hanging off my banister…having a  last final bath which was bliss. We finally went in after two hours and two hours after that, my baby was born. I think pacing is all – knowing what to expect. If you overestimate where you are, you kind of use up your mental focus.  I really made myself forget about the ‘what next/when are we going’ of it all  and  instead listened to my body. It made it all much more manageable. ‘

Jen 
‘In the run-up to my birth, I would regularly have a candlelit bath. I’d play some relaxation music, sprinkle a bit of lavender oil in the water…then lie back and consciously relax every part of my body. By far and away this was the best thing I did to prepare for labour. On the day itself, it felt so familiar and comforting, to do something I was used to doing. My partner lit some candles, on went the wave sounds I knew so well, and I just let go. I rested on my side, with my cheek on a folded towel and the warm water and breathing deeply helped me to relax into each new level of intensity. ‘ 

Rachel 
‘I sang. Really. I sang. I took a deep breath, and as the feeling built, I’d match it with a long sung note. It felt so good. I could feel all these big shifts and changes inside and my body and voice just reflected those things. It’s all so intelligent and instinctive if you’re not disturbed and can synch with it. ‘

Pips
‘My baby was in my back and the pain was dreadful.  Having backache on top of the contraction is hard, especially when it’s over a long time, and eventually I decided that I needed to sleep and had an epidural.  I was in established labour by then, so being numb didn’t make much difference to my progress and it felt fantastic to be able to rest. My husband made sure I took the opportunity to sleep, and helped me to get comfortable on my side with a pillow between my legs. Then he got comfortable himself.He turned off all the lights completely, found himself a mat and a pillow and laid down. It gave the midwife a bit of a surprise I think. But the difference in the room was amazing. It meant I could really relax.  It was a brilliant decision as I felt so much better, and passed right through to pushing without anyone even realising. I told them I could feel this big pressure, got some help to hang over the back of the bed and my baby was born quite easily. I’m sure it was key to be on my side though – that way my baby still had space to do her thing. ‘